What Women Want Today
What Women Want Today

Episode 80 · 3 months ago

Are we Happy yet?


On this week's episode of the podcast I pose a few questions for you to consider.

Do you know what makes you happy?

Can leading a simple life lead to more happiness?

Are we obsessed with being happy?

Here are the 27 Emotions scientist say we have as humans (although there is conflicting information on this)

  • admiration, adoration, aesthetic appreciation, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom, calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, empathic pain, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness, satisfaction, sexual desire, surprise.
  • They consider these 7 to be the CORE emotionshappiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger, disgust, and contemp

The two types of happiness are:

Hedonic - temporary but more easily accessible through things like food and sex.  

Eudaemonichappiness is achieved through experiences of meaning and purpose and is the key to long-term sustainable happiness.

I hope you'll join me in our private Facebook group for more discussion.

or you can private message me on Instagram or email  

I look forward to connecting more with you there!

Remember to subscribe and leave a rating and review, it helps more women find the podcast and become a part of our community

Hello and welcome to what women want today, podcast, you might be asking yourself right about now. Well, what do women want? I mean we're pretty complex creatures, right. Well, I think we want it all, and I'm here to explore it with you. My name is Terry Kellums. I'm your host. Go grab your favorite beverage, I've already caught my glass of wine, and let's get started. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the PODCAST. If this is your first time, let me introduce myself. I am Terry Kellums, your podcast host and a coach to women who struggle to find fulfillment and meaning in Midlife. If you are not currently a part of our facebook community, please can say this my official invitation. You can find the links to the facebook community and my instagram account in the show notes for today's episode. If you are a regular listener, welcome. You might recognize that this is the first episode episode I have produced for a while. I've talked about vulnerability here on the PODCAS gusts before, and even though...

I honestly believe it shows strength to be vulnerable, it doesn't make it easy. I've been on a little bit of a struggle pss lately with some stress and it's taking me some time to find my footing again. Coaching midlife women to feel fulfilled does not make me immune to struggling with it at times. So let me tell you a little bit about how the idea for today's show started formulating in my mind. It's been several months ago now that my husband was noticing that I seemed what he called a little bit off. But really it didn't seem all that odds me because we had been living what I call a temporary life for three years. We lived in Phoenix and he had received a job transferred to a little town in the northwest corner of Arizona near Nevada, in Utah, and the entire time we lived there it never felt like home, even though we met really nice people there. In the back of my mind I just kept telling myself this is temporary and then we're moving back to x before we moved, we had already started the process of building a...

...home there. We spent almost the entire three years we lived there building this house to sell. Remember um in the wizard of odds, wind Dorothy said Lions and Tigers and bears, oh my, our life was like building a house we will never live in and living inside of an RV and a building with the windows and Covid. Oh My. So if I was off, as my husband suggested, I didn't recognize it. I thought I was living every day the best I knew. How I started this podcast. During that time I loved coaching. I was enjoying desert hikes in a very beautiful community, I was enjoying cookie meals more than I ever had before. And then another job transfer came through and before you knew it we were packing up our belongings. Seventy of our U Hall was Um actually loaded and covid struck and let me tell you a friend, it was worts. Are Sitting inside that...

RV for I don't know if it was ten or twelve days, with our u haul almost loaded and ready to go, and not be able to do anything. Well after we finally got moved down here to set in Arizona, there was a period of distraction like when you you know, when you moved to a new place. You've always got that period of settling in, finding your footing, getting used to the new restaurants and shopping and all those types of things. And then one day, he just announced me that he never wanted to move back to Phoenix. Remember my story, I was saying in my head I was always thinking that living in these little remote towns was a temporary sacrifice until we could move back to Phoenix. Well, that day he blew that theory out of the water for me. And then again he said, you're not happy anymore. Used to smile and laugh all the time and I feel like I haven't seen that in a while, and it got me questioning what is happy anyway, I feel like most of us, the answer...

...doesn't come immediately. We just push it away and deal with it later. I mean, I was busy at other things to think about and do right but in the quiet moments it was there waiting for me to unlock it. So I did what most of us do when we want answers. I went to Google and I discovered that there are twenty seven emotions, experts like to tell us, but you know, to be honest or not in agreement on how many there actually are. I'm going to share a few of them with you that you'll probably find familiar, and the rest I'll just put in the show notes for today. In case you're interested in hearing all of them, but some of the more familiar ones that you might be acquainted with would be admiration, adoration, anger, anxiety, boredom, confusion, discussed, excitement, fear, joy, sadness and surprise. And they consider there to be seven core emotions happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger, discussed and...

...contempt. So here's my question for you today. Have you given much thought to what makes you happy during our time together? Today I'm going to dive into what the experts say about happiness and if, after listening to this, you'd like to discuss it more feel like. Please feel free to come over to that facebook group or onto my anyone in my social media accounts, or send me a private message. I really do want to hear your thoughts. Recently we took a trip to Laredo, Mexico, and we were on an excursion in a boat. We're going to tour all the surrounding islands. Our guide was rainy and he was an absolute joy. His narrative of what we were seeing was filled with knowledge and passion and his desire to show us this little part in Mexico and all the beauty it has to offer was so inspiring. He was determined that we were going to see some fun things, like...

...the man to raise, stopping a few beautiful spots to snorkel and see some dolphins. During our stop at Um, a little beach, we were eating a picnic lunch and he said something to our cousin who was with us that day, which prompted her to ask, Oh, so you're planning to retire in the next few years, and his answer was adamantly no. He said that is the time when I will buy my own boat and work for myself. I love what I do every day and I'm not a really great person that can guess people's ages, but I would say he was Um, probably late fifties, and there was no doubt that he was a happy guy. So that evening at dinner we were being searched by our new favorite waiter and Brian asked him, how was your day and he said, Senora, every day is a good day. Why not? It felt like a repetitive theme throughout our stay. We encountered so many happy people. So Brian and I started talking about simple happiness. We talked about another vacation. We were down... the Dominican Republic and we were on horseback excursion and these little children, who were obviously poor by the state of their clothing and their cleanliness, or lack of cleanliness, and they were barefoot. They ran up to US smiling and offering US mangoes and they looked blissfully happy. At the end of our ride, we sat in this little covered shelter with our fellow horseback riding companions and, if memory serves me right, they were giving us a little presentation of some of the things in the surrounding area. I noticed this little girl. She was probably three or four. She was smiling at me. She was a local girl, and I smiled back at her and kind of nudged Brian, who also turned and smiled at her. The next thing I know, she had situated herself next to me on the bench. Out of habit. I reached in my pocket for a Tik Tak and noticed a look on her face of curiosity. So I looked at her mom as if to ask her silent permission to offer the little girl a Tik Tak, and she nodded her agreement. I carefully took her hand and shook a couple of TIC TACs...

...out on her palm for her, and then I did the same in my own hand. I took one and placed it in my mouth, and she watched me very cautiously and curiously, and then she put one in her own mouth. Her face showed delight. I started to put the little container tick text back in my pocket and made a quick decision to give the little girl the remainder of my mints, and she was so thrilled she shook them and was so happy with the noise they made she rushed over to share it with her mom. As the presentation was wrapping up, I felt a little tug on my shirt and I turned to look. The little girl was back and she had a flower and she placed it behind my ear and smiled at me. Happiness all around. Right. I couldn't shake this idea, though, of how people living such as simple, and, let's be real, they lived in a third world country with poverty that is unimaginable to us. But how could they be so happy? How could they be poor? How could...

...they be dirty? How could they think offering mangoes or receiving tic TACs with such a joyful thing to do? I knew this was a subject I was going to have to come home and put some more thought into. So I want to jump into the science for a minute. Let me give you the two types of happiness that the experts talk about. Hadonic happiness, which is achieve through experiences of pleasure and enjoyment. Examples of that would be like sex and food, and Damonic happiness, which is achieved through experiences of meaning and purpose. Both kinds of happiness contribute to overall well being, but in different ways, although the researchers say, hedonic may be the easier of the two types to access quickly. But two thousand years ago, Aristotle argued that the secret to a better life and a better society is a mix of happiness, udonic happiness and virtue of character. In fact, he believed these two concepts should be the main pillars of political philosophy. The concept of Oudemonic well being... comprised of six crucial elements that experts believe are the prerequisite for authentic and lasting happiness, and they are personal growth, environmental mastery, positive relations, self acceptance, purpose in life and autonomy when it comes to motivation and change. Researchers believe that Damania, compared to Hadonic, well being is a much safer road to happiness. In other words, the pursuit of momentary pleasures does not equal long term satisfaction and well being. When we think about happiness, some of the first things that might come to mind are a set of activities experiences that generate pleasure and satisfaction. We also associate happiness with eating at our favorite restaurants, going somewhere special or simply being free of any stress that might interfere with our positive mood. That's what x birts call hadonic happiness or hadonic...

...well being, the sense of happiness and satisfaction that results from indulging in a momentary pleasure or a whim. Hadonic happiness is perhaps the easiest and fastest way to experience positive emotions and relieve the stresses and frustrations of everyday life. However, since aristotle shared disbelief, some two thousand years prior, there were some who considered hadonic happiness to be vulgar. There were those that believe that once we chose to pursue pleasure above all else and to avoid discomfort at any cost, will we become slaves of our own desires. It can cause us to abandon long term goals in favor of short term satisfaction and sacrifice self discipline for the sake of pleasure. I think there's some room for us to me in the middle here. I believe there are times when indulging in momentary pleasures or vote avoiding a stressful situation or emotions can be beneficial to our men to well...

...being. As with a lot of things in life, moderation is key here. Recently, I was experienced some serious stress in relation to the house building I was talking about earlier, and I shared what was going on with a friend and she said, I'm so sorry. How are you going to take care of you today? These are the questions we're asking ourselves when we think of self care. How am I going to avoid this discomfort, even for a short period of time, in pursuit of some peace and pleasure? For me, it might look like a massage or pedicure, reading a good book, watching HDTV, but it could also be something like eating dark chocolate covered almonds or drinking a glass of wine in my patio by looking out of the mountains. Everyone needs their own distraction from stress. Another friend of mine who is doing some rather phenomenal growth work on herself. was talking to me one day and she was sharing some of her recent victories and she said something that I think is very profound. She said, why do we avoid unpleasant motions?...

She said that she was working at sitting still in her own uncomfortable nous. Wow. So here's what I've decided. The pursuit of happiness might be a lofty goal. I mean, I'm not saying that we shouldn't be happy, but how do we measure it? How do we maintain it? When we get to a certain level, do we feel that down that we aren't even happier? Do we compare our level of happiness against an others and find ourselves coming up short? Out of curiosity, I went to Amazon to see how many books were offered with the word happy in the title. Any idea of how many I found there? You got your number in your head. Seventy thousand books. I'd like you to consider this. Contentment is a long lasting feeling accompanied by peacefulness, gratitude and satisfaction, and fulfillment comes from pursuing your passions and purpose. So I'm leaving you this final with this final question. Today, a society perhaps too obsessed with the constant need to feel happy.

Thank you so much for being here with me today. Until next time, please remember to take good care of you. Thank you so much for joining me. I hope you've enjoyed today's conversation as much as I did. If you'd like to continue the conversation, come on over and join our private facebook group what women want today. I'd love to hang out with you some more there. Any resources mentioned in today's episode will be in the show notes. You can find me on facebook and Instagram at what women want today podcast, or visit my website at what women want today Dot Com. Please remember to subscribe, download and share. Leave me a review. It helps other amazing women find the show and become a member of our community. One last thing for you today. You are not alone. You are worthy of love and a fulfilled life. Now it's time to go after it.

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