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What Women Want Today
What Women Want Today

Episode 45 · 11 months ago

Author Marie Scott - Widowhood to Wellness

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Marie Scott is a best-selling author and Functional Medicine Health Coach who is passionate about helping widows and widowers to gain health, humor, and love back into their lives.

Her Book How I Found Meaning (And Humor) In Widowhood, Firehouses, & Organic Vegetables: 7 Steps to Healing After Loss

5 Pillars of Wellness

  1. Improving your sleep & relaxation.
  2. Easily incorporating movement into your day.
  3. Leveraging food as medicine to build your immune system.
  4. Reducing your stress, so you have more time for peace and laughter.
  5. Developing healthy relationships that surround you with love.

Private Facebook group undefinedMarie Scott Wellness - Widowhood to Wellness

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mariescottwellness/Find her online: Website 

Buy her book HERE 

Let's connect Instagram 

Private Private Facebook Community 

*Amazon Affliate links - any product purchased through my link will be used to help cover the costs of podcast production and does not change the price in any way

Hello and welcome to the what women on today podcast. You might be asking yourself right about now. Well, what do women want? I mean we're pretty complex creatures, right. Well, I think we run it all and I'm here to explore with you. My name is Terry Kellums. I'm your host. Go grab your favorite beverage, I've already got my glass of wine, and let's get started. Hello and welcome back to another episode of what women want today podcast. I am Terry Kellum's, your host. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I'm the show. Today I have Marie Stott with me and we are going to have a great conversation about how you mourn the loss of a loved one and still move on to find happiness. Marie, welcome to the show. I'm so happy to have you with me today, Sarry. So, Marie, I want you to introduce yourself. I know that you have a book coming out. We'll talk about that, but give us all the juicy stuff about Marie Scott. So, thank you. It's a pleasure to be here with you today. I returned from my technology career last year after thirty years with Oracle and after my husband died in two thousand and eighteen, I was lying on the floor wondering who do I take care of now, and answer came back. You silly. So I heal myself and healed my mind, body and spirit, and the result of that is finding new purpose in medium life for life part too. And I think when I healed my mind, body and spirit, my heart opened and in Walk Jeff and last month we got married and my friendly said to me goes, how do you rate? It's not only do you have one great love of Your Life Day for thirty years, but now you've got a second, because most of us don't even get one. So my purpose for life part two has become to help other widows and woodwors learn to live well, to clean eating and functional medicine. Laugh again, and even while I love that you talked about purpose, because that is a common being on my podcast and the women that I coach, I also love that you you talk about how hell opened up your heart like that. That's very interesting. So I saw that you are a functional medicine wellness coach. Can you tell the listeners what exactly that is? Yes, so, after Dave did, he died of a soophageal cancer. I went back to school to become a wellness coach because I wanted to learn more about the link between food and cancer. And the same year my mom died of Alzheimer's, and so there's a very pronounced lake between food and Alzheimer's. So I knew I couldn't help day for my mom, but I wanted to learn so I could help myself, and so I went back thinking I was going to learn a lot about nutrition, and I did. And my first step of the seven steps to healing is food and is medicine, and so I really feel strongly about, you know, becoming a health coach, defining my new purpose in life and finding...

...new community and new tribe. And it helped me get on stuck, which is a theme of your podcast as well. It helped me get unstuck and you don't really move forward after tremendous CREEF, you march for one step at a time. You know, when I when I came across your topic, I have to say my heart just did a little look in my chest because I've bought, I've had I have three women in my life who have lost husband's and we're talking long term marriages in the last couple of years and you know, I always say to my send like I just can't imagine what it would be like to be married to somebody that long and, you know, wake up and not like expect them to be next to you. I just imagine that feeling takes a long time to go away. So pleased to such the condolences. I'm the death husband. But how do you do that? How do you have someone who is such a big part of everything you do every single day? How do you how do you move on from that? Well, you know, it takes it does take a lot of time, and it for me about eight months in I finally found myself smiling again. On the first time I laughed out loud, I had to do a double take because it was so strong, that noise. And, you know, being a really positive person to begin with and then going back to school, which is, you know, always a lifelong learner, really helped me articulate the seventh steps to healing and through those seven steps it helped me find new purpose in life, that's the seventh stuff, and define develop healthy relationships and sleep better. That was the worst thing, you know, thirty years sleeping in the buff with this is larger than life presence. You know, waking up the next morning, morning after morning after morning, was the hardest thing. Slept like crap and and there's the hardest thing that I can just only imagine what that would pay like. And just like that, every day, little things like my mom passed away in two thousand and twelve and it took a long time after she passed away not to to, you know, have something happen in my day and think I'm going to call my mom, you know, and you know their phone number still in your phone for the longest time. And but you say that you know one of the ways to find your way out of grief is through laughter, and I loved that. So you and your husband, your disease husband, laughed a lot, from what I understand, and tell me about how you use humor every day. Yeah, so my friend Dev who's also widow, in the early in the early months of my new status, which I hated calling myself a widow, I asked her, said how do you get through every day, and she saw to me. No, I'll never forget this. I find something to smile about every single day and that grew into an attitude of gratitude and I journal every morning and every night what am I grateful for? And it just makes such a huge difference in your heart to find something to be grateful about.

And this morning was beautiful sunrise and I can see out the back that ie and it doesn't happen major could be little things like this Cup of coffee, but it makes all the difference in the world. And studying me, I feel like, you know, if you can wake up and as soon as you like, are conscious and aware that you're awake, if you can start to say things like a like affirming things like today, it's going to be a wonderful day. Today is, you know, amazing. I am prepared for my day, like just anything to get that fise first few thoughts of the day out there that are, you know, there ones do, something to look forward to, to be grateful for. I'm actually doing a thirty days of gratefulness right now with a group of women and yeah, and you know, I feel like when you when you have something to focus on every day like that, like if you know you have to or you're going to be called upon to talk about something that you're grateful for, you tend to look for more things to be grateful for and less things to sort of like ruminating and complain about. Would you agree with that? Absolutely yes, and I believe that the conversation you have with your self in the morning is the most important conversation you'll have all day. So treat yourself with kind words and get that little grimmin off your shoulder and just treat yourself and kind of love that. I love that. So, so you went to school and you got certified to be a wellness coach, and how did that lead to you writing your book? Let's talk about your book for a little bit. Yes, so it started out as a journal and it was funny because when I first thought the copies last week when we got back from from Idaho, it was like shocking. Said this started as a black journal and I would I love to write and in my career wrote training manuals, so I'm used to writing and writing and writing and and so I started this as a journal and every day I journal because Dave and I traveled the world. We had so many great memories and he was in the Fire Department. So if you want to talk to somebody about funny stories, he had a million of them and so, you know, just jotting down stories and memories, because when someone dies that's so significant in your life, that's all you have left ammers memories and thousands and thousands of pictures. So I just wrote and wrote and wrote. In what six months later, I'm looking at this black journal with all a posted notes and, you know, airplane napkinside right on, anything I could find to write on, when something pop in my head. I said, you know what, there's a book here. And you know, a while later was I meditated. I try to meditate every morning. I was meant to, and woke up in the twelve chapters came today. And so through creating this for years and took it was a three year project. The next three books that long. But it was an amazing process. And so...

...the I wrote a blog post yesterday how I wrote a book and a start as a journal and it's so many people a journal. It's so agree just yeah, love that. I I mean my husband always say we love to travel to we always think, you know, we should write the stuff down because we're not always going to remember all these little details from day. But yeah, I agree with they love to look back on the pictures and you know, we have one of those Google home things and the pictures just kind of rotate through it and went while. A picture will come up from, you know, a long time ago and we're like wow, how could that have been that long, though it seems likely, I think, that we just went on that trip. So, yes, but journaling and the memories are great. And then you also sort of took this thing that I don't like to think things happened to you, but an experience that you had, you know, losing your husband and and sort of like coming out of it, you also turned that into an opportunity to go out and speak to other women too. Is that correct? That's correct, yes, and it's so, it's it's so, it's so heartwar me when a widow seize me and the positivity and, you know, the new life that the new purpose I created. It's so part where me to hear them say you're such an inspiration and that's what I want to give other widows and waters hope that there is a light at the end of the grief. Donald. Yeah, and so you said you've been a widow since two thousand and eighteen. So that's thanks. About three ISS years now, coming up to for you this early. Twenty years and you just got remarried. Congratulations. It totally unexpected. How did you meet your husband? So I was I had packed up my house and Charleston and I said I'm just going to go to Florida for a couple months. A year and a half later and I healed my body, lost thirty pounds through just changing my food preferences. My smile came back and I thought, you know, there's nothing left here and this, this community, is all couples and families. So I want to change. I just gonna go to Florida for a couple months. So if on this glorious condo on see us the key and I rented it for a month and as time went on I said wow, I really, really love Sarasota. Jeffrey was there in Sarasota working on a high end beach renovation. It was a resort beach renovation long bow key. So I love to dance, I love to eat out and I was at this place called madisons and in main streets are of soda and my friend was supposed to be with mate, but I ended up alone. I'm okay with that. I traveled alone for a long time and so sitting at the bar and enjoying a wonderful, firm to table meal and I see this guy dancing on with every woman in the in the bar. They ad seen it. That's or our eyes met, we smiled and we haven't stopped dancing since. Oh, I love that story. That's awesome. Soport with, he a widow as well? No, but he had been...

...divorced for ten years. He was married for twenty two and divorce for ten. I know this is going to be a very, very generalized question and hard to probably answer, but I feel like a lot of the women that I talked to, they tend to say, well, if something would happen to my husband, I was still fairly young, I would not get remarried. Yea, but the men seemed to want to get remarried a little faster. Are you finding that to sort of be true as you move on and talk about this? Oh, yes, absolutely, and that's why the personage of there's seventeen point nine million widows and widows of the US and Canada alone. Wow, and eighty five ninety percent of them are women. Oh Wow, yeah, and for a couple reasons. One is because women live longer. Yes, you, because men usually like we I talked to some widows and it's like three months to married again. Yeah, no, it may not last, but they just need that security of a woman in their life. Right, I'm going to take care about yeah, I've got a security system. But men want to find a woman like shortly after six months. Is the efforts that they get remarried variously. Six months. I always joke with my husband, I'll be about two weeks. You can't go. He can't go about long without someone can care of him. But so the other thing that I would say that mid about, like women say, is you know, I don't I don't care about intimacy anymore, and so I don't. I don't really need to get married. So what do you have to say about that? Well, the first time Jeffrey Kiss me, I totally absolutely melted and it's like wow, where did that come from? Because when you're married that long it gets really, really comfortable and the passion stimmers down a little bit. But when Jeffrey kissed me that first time, he had this look in his eyes and and just kiss me and kiss it awakens things that hadn't been awakened in a long time. It's truly incredible that, you know, you could feel this passion. We both feel like we're twenty nine going on eighteen, and so you know, both of our season. It's like this is incredible. It's incredible and I never ever expected it. And that's not why I wanted a partner. I wanted somebody to have fun with, an adventures never dreaded by getting married again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I think we would cherish. We were just having this conversation over her neighbor's health the other night because he joked that if he were to pass away, she'd be better off without him because of money, of a money situation. I don't remember all the details, but you know, we kind of laughed about that and I said, well, yeah, for sure, if Brian were to pass away before me, like I'm not letting another man touch my money. So I said I just need him for like, you know, like dinners and movies and, you know, trips here and there. But yeah, yeah, it's I think, yeah, I think it's a very generalized statement, but I think women tend to lean towards the I...

...really don't need to get married again, but maybe I want to get married again. Yeah, yeah, so you guys live in Maine full time? Then? No, we live. So it's really funny. When covid hit, I flew up to see job and I thought I was just going to be a week. flew up and landed there with my snakeskin boots in my rain coat on, and the world totally shut down. I was on my way to to London to give a speech and that Thursday is one of the world ship now, so I thought, well, you know, I'll just well, I'll just fly to mate for a week or two and a half months later we got out of May. So he lives in a glorious, glorious place in the world, on Abram'Scon it's outside of Bar Harbor, okay, and so we've got like tremendous plans. He's we added two bedrooms on the back of it's called camp. It's amazing. Okay, and so we had a two bedrooms of that great big garage to two lots next do or going to do air bunity and also hold little retreats, because being on the water is just so healing. Yeah, a beautiful place like that, I think it would be. Oh be awesome. So that's the plans for September next year. Wow. Well, make sure that you let me know so I can help you spread the word about that, because I think that sounds wonderful. I I always talked about, you know, the importance of community and you know, really doesn't matter what part of your like you're going through. I believe very strongly that healing happens in community. So you know, whether it's just you're in Midlife and Menopaus is really kicking your butt and you don't want to go through it alone, or, you know what you're talking about, there with, you know, a group of people that are kind of all experiencing some of the same things. That's that's beautiful. I love that. Yeah, and it's so powerful because when you're a widow, an or widower, you really it's like a unique class of people. You really don't know how other people are going to see you, or they going to take advantage or they're going to pray at you like this is a big W on my forehead. Yeah, it's just a different world because, like you said, every single thing is different. It's to be in a community of like minded widows are lit ors, is incredible. I was at camp widow last month in San Diego and they highlighted my book at the Camp Whittle Bookstore and it was an incredible community of the funny thing is Jeff came as my guest. He wanted to be by my side, which is really amazingly, and so he had a tag on those named Jeffrey Gordon and all these women asking, Jeff, are you a widow? Are Your widower? Are Your widow? And it's like no, I'm not, and I'm with her. Yeah, mostly women. They're like four hundred women there and probably three hundred and seventy three eighty where women. Wow. So yes, it's got sense a community, knowing that you can walk up to anybody and say what's your...

...story, and you know, just get the conversation starting to make some wonderful friends are yeah, I imagine. So you've got the book which is I'm pre order right now but comes out December first, as ever. Two said ships, yes, and thember first. Okay, and they can find that on your website. Marie got wellnesscom correct. Yes, and you also are. Now. Are All your coaching services available through your website as well, or how would someone find you for the Functional Wellness coaching. Yeah, so what my plan is actually came out health coach. I it helped me articulate the seventh steps to healing and they're not rocket science. But it's really designed to help women get on stuck from being a widow or widower. Help them get on stuck and and teach them how to cook for one. That's the hardest thing. You know. Many I managed to say it's just me. I won't cook all popcorn, cheese and crackers, but we, I feel, really starting. If you don't feel good, you're not going to want to embrace life again. But by eating better and feeling better you're going to want to live better. So that's the number one. And then the seventh, seven steps to healing after loss, is maybe a seven week program which is going to corporate all things I learned through becoming a wellness coach, and I use a term wellness coach and health coach interchangeable the same thing. Yeah, so is that? When I was on your website I thought that you do workshops. So is it kind of the workshop? Is the seven going to the seven steps? Then it will be. Yes, in fact, this week I've launched the five days of hope, from Widdlehot to wellness. So that'll be the introduction to anyone who wants to dive in deeper. And really, you know, my first question is, are you ready to embrace life again? If you are, I can help you with the seventh steps. Well, I think I even saw that. To teach them how to grocery shop is that was that exact exactly, and I didn't know that. I need help with that now. The secret is a shopper on the perimeter. That's little. Yeah, I actually do that. I've heard that before. I am do you know who with the medical medium is? I do. Yes, yeah, I like him, I so. I think I learned that from him a while ago. But yeah, I really agree with you. If you're not well, you're going to be distracted by your illnesses. Right. So the first step, I hear you saying, is focused on you and your health and make sure you're eating properly so that you can feel good. Yes, and your last thirty pounds. That's happy. As at pay six weeks. That's amazing. Yeah, and so then the second step would be you wanted to share a couple of the steps or click. Okay, Yep. So this the first course of earl about self care, because again, as you heal yourself, then you're going to allow finding you purpose to enter your life. So the second step is meditate to reduce stress.

And I was never a believer. I mean I thought no, on my monkey brain, it doesn't ever stop, I can't meditate, and I just kept at it and somebody said if you do something for thirty days it becomes a habit, right, and really, really works. So it's been about three years now since I've been meditating and really it can be as little as ten minutes in the morning. It can be lying down a bad or sitting up. Yes, it's not complicated. It could just be sitting with yourself in your breath. It's really so powerful, right. I absolutely agree with that. Yeah, awesome. So, Marie, I am so happy for you. I'm so happy that you've found love again. Congratulations again on your marriage. I want to make sure everybody knows where to find you. So can you tell us all the places? Yes, everything is Maurice Scott, wellness, instagram, Lindon facebook, guy a facebook group as well, whereas about wellness. So join the facebook group and start communicating with other like minded people and sign up to get a copy of the book. There you go. I will include all that information this jow notes that they can be sure and find it very quickly. Evely, Marie, thank you so much for being with me to say thank you for taking time out of your schedule. I appreciate you. Thank you, take care. Thank you so much for joining me. I hope you enjoyed today's conversation as much as I did. If you'd like to continue the conversation, come on over and join our private facebook group what women want today, and love to hang out with you some more there. Any resources mentioned in today's episode will be in the show notes. You can find me on facebook and Instagram at what women want to day podcast, or visit my website at what women want to Daycom please remember, just subscribe, download and share. Leave me a review. It helps other amazing women find the show and become a member of our community. One last thing for you today. You are not alone. You are worthy of love and a fulfilled life. Now it's time to go after it.

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