What Women Want Today
What Women Want Today

Episode 83 · 2 months ago

Exploring the Happiness Puzzle - Part 2 Relationships


In today's episode we are exploring how happiness is impacted by the state of our relationships.

10 Things you need from your TRIBE

Questions to ask yourself about your current relationships

How do the people closest to you impact your happiness?

We will talk about the physical and psychological benefits of relationships!

RESOURCES MENTIONED in today's episode

Floating shelves - Hurd & Honey 

Flip House Tour 

Casita Tour 

Master Bedroom Tour 

I'd love to hear from you! Email me at put RELATIONSHIPS in the subject line so I don't miss your email.

Let's build a supportive community of women~   


 What Women Want Today Facebook our private group is Conversations for Midlife Women or on Instagram 

Please remember to leave a review, it helps other women find the show!

Hello, and welcome to What Women On Today podcast. You might be asking yourself right about now, well, what do women want? I mean, we're pretty complex creatures, right well, I think we want it all and I'm here to explore it with you. My name is Terry Kellums, I'm your host. Go grab your favorite beverage. I've already caught my glass of wine and let's get started. And welcome to this week's episode of the podcast. I am your host and coach to midlife women seeking fulfillment and meaning in midlife. So if you've been following the podcast and maybe even following me on social media for any time, you will have heard about my journey over the past three years, moving from Phoenix to the little corner of Arizona, Nevada in Utah, and most recently we have moved down to southern Arizona. But I have shared with you over the years, um how we built a building, put our r V in it, and lived inside there for three years, eventually doing a little build out that included a home office, a lounge... a bathroom with laundry. I've shared some of my struggles with you and finishing this home build amidst a pandemic two storms that cause setbacks along with labor and material shortages. Recently, on Instagram, I shared a peek at some of the progress. If you didn't catch it and you're interested in seeing it, I will put a link in today's show notes for that Instagram story. After a long weekend working there, oh, I think it's been two weeks now, we are finally turning a corner. So many of the contractors who, let's say, we're too busy to show up, began showing up, and we finally are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We've had um painting done, the cabinet details are being worked on, the final details for plumbing and outdoor things, and oh my god, hush, I... so thrilled. There was a company I really I just am so grateful for and I wanted to get them a shout out, but I couldn't find them on Instagram, so I was going to do that here. As a part of the design. I was looking for some floating shelves and I was having a terrible time, and I thought, oh, I'm gonna go to Etsy. Thank goodness for small businesses like Herd and Honey and her dispelled h u r D. They were able to customize the shelving to my exact specifications and sent them off pretty quickly so that I could get them staying and installed on time. I'm going to put a link for their Etsy account in today's show notes, just in case you're looking for something that they have to offer. I was just so impressed with them and so thankful for their efficiency and the quality. So, Okay, enough updates on my fliphouse, even though a very good friend of mine says it's better than a soap opera. I will save the updates for Instagram and Facebook, including pictures. So today's episode... part two of a six part series on the journey to discover the keys to long term Udona happiness. Today we're gonna be focusing on positive relations so friend, it took me some time to narrow down this particular element because we could really branch out deep when it comes to the complexities of our relationships, as if the universe was aligning for the episode. Today, a Facebook memory popped up where I posted this, we all need a tribe. It doesn't mean you exclude people from your life. It just means there's a group of people in your life that you don't need to explain yourself to, that value you, that love you unconditionally, that makes time for you, share your values, appreciate you have your back, don't judge you, don't ask why you need them, just how support your goals and dreams, even if they...

...aren't theirs. And I think those ten things really do encompass what we are seeking. As humans. We are hardwired to connect with other humans. We want to be heard and understood, and there are tangible benefits of human connection which include an increased feeling of belonging, purpose, happiness, self worth, and confidence. And studies across all mammals show that are well being depends on our connections with others. If you're spiritual, you may recognize that God said it is not good for man to be alone, and he created woman as his companion. In Manthelo's hierarchy of needs, love and belonging showed up as number three after food and safety. Friendship relationships in general are a pretty big deal. Dopamine is produced when you are physically those to another person. It...

...communicates with brain cells and encourages them to act in a pleasurable, excitable euphoric way dopamine influences our behavior. If you need further evidence of this, I remembering the last time you met with your girlfriend's for a happy hour and you all embraced upon greeting each other. Or if you have grandchildren, think about the last time they came running through the door, ran to you, wrapped their little arms around your net. And I'm still kind of a newlywed, so I love it when my husband comes home at the end of the day and gives me a big, hugging kiss. I don't live near my adult children, so when I do get the opportunity to see them, that physical connection of touching them and hugging them is a big dopamine hit. It concerns me when I participate in menopause support groups and I hear women say that they have kind of withdrawn from these types of relationships, that there are things going...

...on in their body um low moods that have caused them to sort of retreat and prefer to spend time alone. But other than the physical side of why we need those relationships, there are many psychological reasons as well. Strong relationships make us feel safe. They provide security, They provide that sense of someone sees me as a person and they value my role in their life. They make it okay when we fall down. They believe we will get back up. They're rooting for us to get back up. You don't have to be perfect for them. You don't have to perform, you don't have to agree on everything. For them to appreciate your point of view, they respect you. These are the healthy relationships. Research proved that our lives are heavily influenced... our relationships. Entrepreneur, author, and motivational speaker Jim Rohne once famously stated, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And what does that mean? Well, right down the five people you spend the most time with, what qualities do they have? How does being in a close relationship with them bring out your best self? Now, I can't be all of sunshine and roses here if I'm going to profess to be here to help you. There is a flip side. These are the relationships that make you feel insecure, one where you're constantly put down. The ones that you don't feel safe in, the ones you hold back your true self. Perhaps you put on your armor when you're around them. I can't really in good faith tell you to walk away from these relationships. I don't know these people. I can say it's hard. It's hard to love a...

...person who isn't capable of loving you right now where you're at, flaws and all. It's hard to distance yourself from family or even a friend that you've held the long term relationship with. It's hard to label them toxic and admit to yourself that the relationship is standing between you and the level of happiness you desire so much. Now, this is beyond coaching, friend, This is a layer of hurt and healing that needs to be addressed, but not with me or any coach. This is where you draw the line between coach and professional. This is about boundaries and healing so that you can take your happiness to the next level. If we are to attain udamantic happiness, close relationships are a key to that puzzle. So I want to give you some questions today. Where do you stand in your relationships? Do you need Do they...

...need some mending, some deepening maybe that only comes from being vulnerable and sharing intimacy. Do they need some boundaries so that you can feel safe now, it's been a while since I've shared a quote with you, so today I have too. The first one is from Mark back Off and he says, without close and reciprocal relationships with other animal beings, we're alienated from the rich, diverse, a magnificent world in which we live. I love that. And the one from Clayton Christiansen states this intimate, loving, and enduring relationships with our family and close friends will be among the sources of the deepest joy in our lives. I'd love to hear your thoughts sin today's episode. You can send me a direct message on either Instagram or Facebook, or feel free... reach me at Terry dot Callum's at gmail dot com. I will put those links in the show notes for you, and if you're going to email me, put the word relationships in the subject line so that it stands out amongst all the other email The one area we didn't talk about today was the relationship you have with yourself. I feel like this is so important, and in next week's episode we're going to dive into self acceptance. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Until next time, friend, please remember to take good care of you. Hey, friend, I hope you enjoyed our time together today and found the information valuable. Remember you are officially invited to join our Facebook group and private group. I will put the links in today's show notes. If you are interested in exploring coaching, you can email me at Terry T E R R I and dot Callum's K E L l U M S at gmail dot com, or private message me on Facebook...

...or Instagram. If you're enjoying the content of the podcast, remember to share with a friend or on social media. It really does help other women find the podcast. And if you have yet to leave a rating and review, you can do that on your favorite platform. Okay, remember you are not alone. You are worthy of love and a fulfilled life. Now it's time to go after it.

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