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What Women Want Today
What Women Want Today

Episode 55 · 9 months ago

Moving through life's transitions

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On today's episode we talk about the transistions we all face in life.

What role our values play in dealing with transistion

What the stages of transistions are .. and tips to cope.

Head over to IG or Facebook and find today's post for the episode then share your tips for dealing with transistion or to tell us your mantra. Each comment will recieve an entry into a drawing for an Amazon Gift Card.

If you're having a difficult time dealing with a transistion feel free to send me an email to terri@terrikellums.com to book a free discovery call.

Hello and welcome to the what women on today podcast, you might be asking yourself right about now. Well, what do women want? I mean we're pretty complex creatures, right. Well, I think we weren't it all, and I'm here to export with you. My name is Terry Kellums. I'm your host. Go grab your favorite beverage, I've already got my glass of wine, and let's get started. Hello, and welcome back to another episode about women one today podcast. This is Terry. I'm so glad to be with you guys today, and I know I say that pretty much every episode, but today, friends, I am sitting in my new Home Office. I have a big window, I can see trees and mountains and I can see birds flying around and I am feeling very grateful for my new spot in which to work and record this weekly podcast for Y'all. So today I thought...

...we would talk about transitions. I'm going to help you identify some of the most common ones, I'll help you recognize some of the feelings and emotions you may be experiencing as you move through a transition and I'm going to give you some tips to help you cope. Okay, so in my particular circle of friends, and family members. A lot of people are talking about transitions lately and how they're managing and coping, and I thought it would be a good conversation to have here with you today. The first thing I did was just made a list of what I thought might be some common transitions and I'm going to name them all for you today. When you transition from school, whether it's college or high school, into the workforce, from single to married, now that's a big transition. Married to divorce, moving from your parents home into your own place, but either by yourself or with a partner. Puberty,...

...relocation for a job, losing a job, career change, losing an important person in your life, empty nests, menopause, serious illness or health changes, retirement or downsizing, or and downsizing. I'm going to dive into a few of them with you today. You know, when I wrote down retirement, I thought, wow, that would be an amazingly positive transition for most people. But before Brian and I left our little town back in scenic Arizona, we went out to dinner with a couple that talked about how when she retired, she went to this whole phase where she didn't really know what to do with her self and then her husband had some, I want to say, resentments for her having all this free time and he still having to...

...work. Today we're going to talk about I think. I want to start with moving. I have four people in my circle, and five if you include me, or all in various stages of moving right now. One of them is a cross country move, literally from one coast to another. A friend of mine, childhood friend, went through a long term relationship change and moved from the coast back to Illinois, where we grew up. One friend has shared with me that she sold. They sold their city home. They're moving out into the country setting and they bought a fixer upper. Another friend moved out of their home and into temporary quarters, from a house to an apartment while they complete the build of their new home. If you've been listening to the podcast and or following me on instagram or Facebook, you know that we relocated three years ago, or my husband's job, to the corner of Nevada, Arizona Utah, and at the beginning of two thousand and twenty two...

...relocated again to southern Arizona. And moving can have several transitions happening all at once. Think of it like this. You're leaving a home that maybe you've lived in for a long time and there are lots of memories there. You could be leaving neighbors that have become friends, depending on how far away you're moving. Of course, when we moved from scenic that was a nine hour move, so we left behind a whole community of neighbors and friends that we had grown very close to. If your move is taking you to a new city, you are changing doctors, hairstylists and you know places that have become your favorite spots. And I know in my new location I am missing the desert paths. I had two different paths that I would walk on each day as a part of my walk for three years. We have been in our...

...new place for a month now and I still haven't gone a place as diverse and challenging to take my dogs on their daily walk. Of course, my husband switched jobs within the same company, which was the reason for the move, but he's had to learn new coworkers and new cities in his territory and a new supervisor, and those all impact his role. Even when you have a choice in the transition, it doesn't mean it doesn't come without some sacrifice in those changes. Another transition that we face in Midlife is the empty nest. Now next week on the podcast you'll hear my friend Debbie talking about her empty nest transition and some of the thoughts and feelings that she experienced. For some emptinest is viewed as a new chapter and the partners have more time to develop to their relationship and their own personal wants and needs, while other's view it as the loss of the daily interaction and the connection they may have felt...

...as the parent who did much of the caretaking and nurturing over the years. I'm finding this to be such an individual response to this transition in life. I remember myself as a young adult kind of pulling away for a little bit, spreading my wings and figuring out who I was as a young woman with the ability to make my own decisions. Yet I hear other women say they felt a stronger bottom of their own mother's as they married and realized they were more dependent on their mom than they than they knew. There is no one size that it's all when it comes to the Empty Nest, for sure, and I believe it's the same with Parry and menopause. Some women relish the idea of no periods and the newly found confidence that midlife brings, while other women are more plagued with symptoms of hot flashes, depression and even a sense of loss that the while bearing years are behind them now. Friend, have you ever considered that some transitions are felt as a form of grief? I...

...know personally when I left my corporate career, it took me a while to recognize that what I was feeling was grief. I was leaving behind, Oh, a part of who I had become, the friends I had made and a culture that I had helped create. It took me a while to figure out the new me in my new role in life. Remember, we are creatures of habit and comfort, so we can try to keep recreating an environment that feels familiar but may not fit into the new season of our life. Sometimes it can just feel sad and empty and perhaps a bit lonely. Over the past couple of years we've seen business as clothes that force people to seek new employment and, frequently and totally different career paths. I know I've seen this in my own family. I can just imagine the uncertainty and anxiety that this has caused many people. I've also heard that for many, the work...

...from home transition can leave people feeling isolated and like a sense of loss of it's your part of something bigger than yourself in the four walls that you occupy. It can be challenging to feel a part of something when it's just you they have to day. Sudden and unexpected transition, such as the loss of a loved one, being blindsighted by a divorce or job loss, or an unexpected serious illness, can leave us feeling anxious, disrupted, afraid and uncertain. Not all transitions are negative ones. Marriage, the birth of a child, going away to college, a promotion into a new position, a move to a new city can all be exciting and happy changes, but it doesn't mean that they aren't life altering. Transitions of all kinds can force us to...

...leave familiarity and adapt new ways of being and thinking. Transitioning can mean moving through stages much life grief, and I've got seven of them for you. Number one, varying emotions like anger, sadness, anxiety, confusion, self doubt and possibly even regret, to a loss of self esteem. Asking yourself where do I belong in all of this? Who Am I in this new situation? Number three, the beginning of acceptance, with slight steps backwards into steps one and two. Number four, the realization that this is the new reality and it's time to move forward and accept it. Number five, feelings of hopefulness about the future start to develop. Number six, return of the feeling of seelfesteem you had in the past and that you have your role in...

...this new situation. And seven, finally, acceptance and optimism for the future. So here's my question for you today. Have you ever stopped and reflected on how many transitions you've made in your life? Have you asked yourself, how have I processed them, or did you process them? I know for me the three years living in the situation back in scenic living in a building and RV with a apartment, I don't know that I always processed all those feelings all the time. I can be pretty avoidant on some of those things. If you're a reflective person, this is a good journal topic, so write them all down and ask yourself how you process them. I do love a good brain dump. So if you're not a journal writer, I would encourage you to find another avenue to get these reflections. I maybe a voice...

...recorder or even a video of your self. Remember this is just for you, so no one is judging you on this. Remember to ask yourself what lessons are growth came from the transition. Transitions can be easier if we look at them as things not happening to us, but for us. So watch the self talk during this time. Remember change is a normal part of life. Challenge yourself to use lessons from your last change to move through this one a bit easier. Knowing your values and how you use them in challenging moments and I would say to this one like knowing what your needs are as you move through a transition. I know I recognize in myself during this transition of moving down here to southern Arizona. I'm very much a person who loves routine and I love the comfort of having a very organized home and decorded I loved, I love, to see my pretty things that I've chosen all around me.

So on our first trip, because our move was a two part trip, on the first trip down, I actually ask my steps on to help me hang some of my pretty things, I unpack some of my decorative items and place them in different places in the in the new home. And I know my friend, the one that's moving into the pixer upper, they are actually doing some of the reminding as they live there. So her and her husband plan to do their beds and first, so that they had a sanctuary to come home to or to go to in the midst of all the chaos. Remember to honor your feelings and be vulnerable enough to share them with a trusted person. I hope you have a tribe that you can go to and bounce ideas off and share frustrations with. And remember, don't skimp on personal care during this time. Now more than ever, it's important to keep your diet, your exercise plans and to get some good quality sleep. I'll sure...

...something that worked well for me during my current transition. Every morning, before I get out of bed, I name six things that I'm grateful for. After rising and, of course, after coffee, I write six things I'm grateful for that are happening because of our move, and I will give credit and things to Dr Dawn for this trip. I'm also setting intentions for each day and I have a mantra that I say to myself several times a day as needed, and it is this focus on what you can control and let the other stuff go. If you have a tip for coping during transition or a mantra that has helped, to head over to the what women on today instagram or facebook. Look for today's post for the podcast and leave me a comment. For every tip or mantra. I will enter you into a drawing...

...for an Amazon Gift Card. I love this code by Socrates. It says the secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old but building on the new. Thanks for being here with me today and until next time, remember to take good care of you. Thank you so much for joining me. I hope you enjoyed today's conversation as much as I did. If you'd like to continue the conversation, come on over and join our private facebook group what women want today, and love to hang out with you some more there. Any resources mentioned in today's episode will be in the show notes. You can find me on facebook and Instagram at what women want to day podcast or visit my website at what women want to daycom please remember to subscribe, download and share. Leave me a review. It helps other amazing women find the show and become a member of our community. One last...

...thing for you today. You are not alone. You are worthy of love and a fulfilled life. Now it's time to go after it.

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