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What Women Want Today
What Women Want Today

Episode 44 · 11 months ago

The Message in the Mess

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Have you ever considered writing a thank you letter to your life?

In today's message I share a story of a young woman whose life was kind of a mess. Listen in today to see what messages came from the mess.

3 things to consider when writing your own thank you letter 

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Hello and welcome to the what women on today podcast. You might be asking yourself right about now. Well, what do women want? I mean we're pretty complex creatures right. Well, I think we want it all, and I'm here to explore with you. My name is Terry Kellums. I'm your host. Go grab your favorite beverage, I've already got my glass of wine, and let's get started. Hello and welcome to another episode of what women want today podcast. This is your host, Terry Callum's. Today we're going to talk about the message in the mess. Often, when we're in a tough situation, we don't really believe there will be a message that we will look back on and be able to draw from. You know, when you're in the middle of the mess, your motions are usually ruling your thoughts. I mean, I've not met too many people that would say I just lost my job, I'm so grateful. I've lost my best friend. I'm so happy my car broke down, thank goodness. So I'm happy you're here with...

...me today and you decided to hang out for a little bit, because by the end of the episode today, I hope you too will be inspired and that you'll be able to find your own message and path for looking for the message in the mess. So I was recently procrastinating, which I sometimes referred to as research or networking. With in my hobby calls me during the day to ask me, what are you up to? But for you, my listeners, I will be much more transparent and tell you my procustining. Was scrolling through instagram trying to clear my mind enough for a truly inspiring idea to talk to you about today, when I came across a post from a fellow podcaster and a newer social media friend, and she touched me with what she said. It was so vulnerable in so relatable to me that it was finally the inspiration I needed for my topic today. What my friends shared was a thank you letter to her life. She talked about being grateful for heartbreak,...

...grateful for tears, grateful for hard times when she had no money for bills, food and all her credit cards were mixed out. She talked about being grateful for a job that she hated for fourteen years but she pretended to like and show up for. Grateful for friends that betrayed her trust, for dashed hopes, disappointments and wrong turns and I thought, wow, how many of us could write a similar letter? But before I share her why, I wanted to share a story with you. The story is of a young woman who felt like she was at rock bottom. She was eighteen then, graduate from high school, and she had a two year old daughter. There were times when she felt like it were if it weren't for the intense love she had for her little girl, her existence would be for nothing. It was this very love and the determination that went along with it that kept her getting out of bed each day with what felt like only one purpose to get through that day. The apartment that she shared with her little one was furnished and...

...clean, but she didn't have a phone or TV, she didn't own a car and she didn't receive help from anyone, but she did get a small amount of foodstamps each month, so she was able to feed herself and her child. The grocery store was walkable in an unsafe neighborhood across the park. She only felt safe walking through and she carried a knife in her pocket. After a particularly lonely and hard day, she's setting enough is enough. She had felt trapped in a cycle she didn't know how to get out of she couldn't get a job without a phone for them to call up and set up an interview. She couldn't get to a job without a car, and who would watch her little girl? The next day she walked to the library to load herself up in her little girl with some new books, when she saw a poster hanging in the lobby. It was a poster for the military. She could enlist and receive a free education. She went to the pay phone and called her friend and asked if she could give her a ride the next day. Even though she had dropped out of high school after the baby was...

...born, it didn't stop her from receiving receiving a very high as WEP score, which would offer her a lot of options for jobs in the military. The only thing that was holding her back was a question who would take care of my little girl? And this is when the ultimate sacrifice was made. It's not one that I think every woman would do, but most of us would certainly understand. She reunited with her husband after year being separated because, more than anything, she wanted this little girl the best shot at life that she could get. She could try to repair her marriage and give the little girl a stable environment and her selfy opportunity to learn a skill that would put them in a better financial situation. Because our time together today is limited, I will just stick with the story highlights. She did read you night with her husband and eventually enlisted in the military after about a year, with some twist and turns in the story. The day she was to leave for boot camp was one of the most emotionally draining days. In fact, two weeks...

...leading up to it she cried and cried, asking herself the question how can I leave my child for two months for BOOT camp? During the threehour drive, she kept telling herself at all it will all be worth it for a better life. She couldn't let her daughter see ups how set she was and she knew it would make it harder for both of them. During her processing at the map center, she received the devastating news that she was pregnant and unable to enter into the military. As you can imagine, the atmosphere in the car on the right home was silent, but the war in her brain was loud and anguishing. Eventually, she determined that this was just a step back and she would wait for an appropriate time in the future to try again. Three months later she learned she was having twins and it extinguished, I'll hope, of any further education through the military. The next ten years didn't get much easier. She went through a nasty divorce, remarriage, blending of families, a new baby and a miscarriage. On the bright side, during...

...this time she was making progress in her self, education and taking positions that kept moving her in the right direction, eventually owning her own business, a move to Arizona, to a corporate position and, like my friend from the Social Media Post, a level of greatness fulness that can only come from heartbreak, sacrifice, betrayal, bad decisions, financial distress and a lot of lessons learned the hard way, but an always, never failing desire for something better, to do better, to be better, to have a life I could be proud of. Yes, friends, this is part of my story and, like Claren James of the midlife mentors podcast, I met my husband Midlife and I realized a lot like Claire's thank you letter to her life, if I hadn't been through all of those things, I might not have turned into the woman he loves. If I had not been through those things. I might not appreciate the husband that I have if I'd not been through those things.

I might not realize how resilient I am, how resourceful I can be. Am I capability for learning, adapting and growing? If I had not been through all those things, I might not be the Compassionate and empathetic woman I am today. My purpose might not be helping women find their own fulfillment through their passions and purpose. But before you look for your message in the mess and write a thank you letter to your life, I want to give you three things to consider. The first one is your mess may be altered. Do you remember the telephone game from childhood? So one person would start the story and whisper it in the ear of the person next to him or her, and this would repeat around the circle until it got to the last person and that person would say it out loud. Usually everyone would laugh because it was never the story that got started in the first place. Every person changed it just a little bit here and there. Now that game happens over...

...a matter of minutes. Can you imagine what happens after years with story? Now, listen to this. Our memories are connected to our self image. In other words, we remember things as a part of our identity. WHOA that's too big to dig into to day, but here is an example everyone can relate to. Years ago, after nine eleven occurred, they did a study in which they asked a group of people to write down the events of that moment in history in as much detail as they could. A year later they came back to that saying group of people and asked them to recall it again. The overall consistency in the details regarding nine eleven was only sixty three percent accurate. At a third survey three years later, the consistency was only fifty seven percent accurate. So people were only a little more than fifty percent...

...right for a lot of the details. Some people even changed where they were when it happened, and when they were shown in their own handwriting what they had written, they replied I don't know I would, why I would write that back then. The truth is what I'm telling you to day, and scientists believe that when we have a strong emotion such as spear there are even bigger inconsistency in our recall of the facts. All right, number two, you may need to forgive yourself and maybe someone else. I know from the story I share with you, I didn't always make great decisions and I wasn't always the best version of myself. But let's give ourselves a break, and that probably means we need to give other people in our story a break. To number three, a new mess may be waiting around the corner. So what I'm not telling you today is that if you're like me and you've come a long way in your journey, it doesn't give us a life long get out of jail free card. As recently as during the pandemic, I lost...

...a treasured friend and hurt my heart like hell, and there are bound to be more heartbreaks and disappointments, maybe even betrayals and failures. But when you're in the practice of thinking each event, you can make peace with it and yourself a whole lot faster and allows you to look at things like a broken friendship and be able to smile and recall all the fun and happiness that the relationship brought and tell yourself you're capable of healing. You're capable of new friendships, new memories and New Fun Times. So my question for you today is, do you have a message? And your message you can pull out, or are you still in the middle of your mess and you little help? I'd love to hear from you. You can reach out to me at my email address, Terry at Terry columnscom or on my instagram account through a DM at what women want today underscore podcast. Today's episode is in honor of my...

...dear sweet friend, Amanda Keeper at her Mama Lind Up March Norton. One of Amanda's favorite saying is sayings, is live a life with no regrets. May You have peace in the days ahead, dear friend and Mama March. The next part of your story is a pain free one. Rest in peace. Thank you so much for joining me. I hope you enjoyed today's conversation as much as I did. If you'd like to continue the conversation, come on over and join our private facebook group what women want today, and love to hang out with you some more there. Any resources mentioned in today's episode will be in the show notes. You can find me on facebook and Instagram at what women want to day podcast, or visit my website at what women want to daycom please remember to subscribe, download and share. Leave me a review. It helps other amazing women find the show and become a member of our community. One last thing for you today. You are not alone.

You are worthy of love and a fulfilled life. Now it's time to go after it.

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